R.I.P.

“I’m sorry to say [cancer] can kill you, but it doesn’t make you a better person.”

– Molly Ivans

random interestingness

round up by topic:

cancer

• Too Young for This: Facing Cancer Under 40– great article on issues facing cancer patients under 20.
• “Hot” patients setting off radiation alarms– patients undergoing radiation therapy sometimes set off dirty bomb or radiation detectors. what fun.
• Merck lobbies states over cancer vaccine– big pharma does something right. it has to happen every once in a while
• Wyeth loses Prempro trial, to pay $1.5 million– a Philadelphia court found drug maker Wyeth negligent in not providing adequate information regarding a potential connection between hormone replacement therapy (HRT) and breast cancer. shit.
• Conservation: Not Just for the Forest Anymore – skin and nipple sparing surgery for DCIS
• Top of the Heap– “2007 Global Breast Cancer Pathfinders Named – American Society Of Breast Disease”

I <3 Hillary – and so does Ohio

• Salem-News
• Cincinnati Post
• Columbus Dispatch

music

• ben points out this mix from Lovegrove, one of my favorite all time Baltimore DJs. It’s all kinds of warm and danceable. It makes you want a mojito even though it’s 36 degrees outside.
• the very first chuffed was a blast. the next is on february 24th

just enough to be dangerous

Cancer has made me shallow. I know that this isn’t necessarily a unique feeling, but I felt this way before I ever knew this book, which I’ve never read, existed.

I didn’t have cable for about four years, and had come to think, and still do to some degree that watching television was a waste of one’s time for the most part. It was an opiate for the masses, so to speak. I had better things to do with my time than watch TV, and so did everyone else. While this still might be true, having a cancer diagnosis, even when the prognosis is in reality so good, has made me want all the opiates I can get. Working extra hours to have the money to pay medical bills, and the time to take off for surgery in addition to having newly time consuming events to deal with, like at least one medical appointment per week makes me tired. That’s on top of the tamoxifen induced fatigue and mental and emotional stress of dealing with something that, for all intents and purposes should not be happening to you, or so all seven of your doctors tell you.

When I’m completely fried, which happens at least twice a week, I park myself in front of the television to watch television programs which don’t make me think and drink beer that I shouldn’t be drinking. I’m almost over feeling guilty about it. Almost.

This process has lent itself to watching Grey’s Anatomy almost every Thursday. Because it’s a show based in a hospital the cancer connection is inevitable. Usually I can overlook it but last night when the former-Amish-girl’s surgery for a cancerous cervical tumor resulted in a Stage IV diagnosis, I couldn’t help but hear the voice in my head say, “Oh, fuck.”

I think I managed to mask the tears that welled up in my eyes just for a second as my mind made the connections that this kind of diagnosis would mean. She’s 23. Maybe she’d get a few years if she was put on the right series of drugs. Maybe there’s a clinical trial. Maybe she’d stabilize. Lots of people live with mets and are okay. But that’ll be her life now – where’s the cancer going? And to some degree, if only in her own mind from time-to-time at the very least, it will trump her career, her relationships, and the possibility of children. I was glad to not to have this experience first hand. Then I reminded myself that this was just a character on a TV show (whew!) and then quickly and automatically reminded myself that the situation is all too real and the possibility of this is wide open for far too many people.

So much for escapism. Cancer might make me more shallow, but it might also make me more forgiving, of even, myself.

the state of our healthcare system is fine

seriously. let’s play a game, kids. lets find all the societal wrongs in this story.

Southwest Nearly Lets Liver Transplant Patient Die Because He Wouldn’t Buy 2nd Ticket

eggplant parmesan

eggplant parm II

Originally uploaded by l@in.

The other night I finally tried eggplant parmesan. I think it turned out pretty well. I modifed the recipe to be more healthy.

1 large eggplant
1 egg
1 tbs flaxmeal
1/2 cup flour
olive oil for frying
1/3 – 1/2 cup parmigiano reggiano cheese
3/4 cup part skim mozzerella cheese
1 jar sugar free spaghetti sauce of choice (or if you’re an over achiever, make your own. you need about 16oz)

wash and peel eggplant. cut into 1/2 thick slices. beat water into egg and place into a bowl large enough to accept the width of the eggplant slices. mix flaxseed meal with flour and place in a similarly sized bowl.

dip eggplant slice in egg wash mixture then dredge in flour mixture. repeat until finished. heat olive oil in a wide frying pan and fry eggplant until crispy and golden brown (about 1 minute or so each side.) drain on paper towels.

place fried eggplant in a single layer in a baking dish (i had to use two.) sprinkle with parmesan cheese. cover with 2/3 of the spaghetti sauce. top with mozzerella cheese. bake at 350 for 20 minutes.

serve over pasta. yummy.

SotU

crappiest ever. Webb – 1 minute in – and already more engaging than bush. and he didn’t mention 9/11. remarkable.

it’s sweet, it’s fizzy, it’s…celery?

This weekend I had the opportunity to investigate vegetable flavored soda – no shit. Dr. Brown’s soda, makers of the very best black cherry soda I’ve ever had and does a better-than-average diet black cherry soda, now has a celery flavored soda. It’s quite interesting. When you crack open the can, the soda does indeed smell of celery. Real celery not like a fake-ass celery scent, but it really does smell like a big old stalk of celery. The first sip exhibits a slightly sweet celery taste with a subtle, peppery finish. This finish becomes more pronounced with each sip.

Celery is over 90% water, making the flavor so simple reproducing it, I imagine, would be a difficult endeavor. Think of other yummy natrual foods who’s flavors, when made artificially never quite taste right – banana, pineapple, etc. Dr. Brown’s cel-ray soda doesn’t taste exactly like celery but it certainly comes close, and I would argue, in a pleasant way. The flavor base is kind of like a weak ginger ale and the celery taste is less like celery the vegetable and more like celery seed, explaining the peppery finish a bit.

I drank it straight out of the can, well chilled. I think it would be best over lots of chipped ice – a celery slushie, if you will. I wasn’t sure if I liked it, but by the end decided that I would drink it enthuiastically again, prompting me to wonder if there’s a diet cel-ray soda in the works. Please, Dr. Brown?

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In other, clearly less-important-than-vegetable-soda news today is

I’m pro-choice and I vote (and blog). ‘Nuf said.

oh! and I know who I’m supporting in the Democratic primary. I am so excited for her campaign.

what’s up doc?

Plastic surgeon tour ’07 is currently underway. Monday I met with Dr. James Bruno. Tuesday brought an appt. with Dr. Maurice Nahabedian. I have one appt. left with Dr. Susan Otero in the beginning of February.

I also met with my radiologist, Dr. Irene Gage. Hopefully none of you nor anyone you love will ever require her services, but she is a top notch physician. She talked to me for 45 mintues, answered all of my questions, and didn’t rush me a bit. She’s awesome.

I’m still kind of processing all the information, so I’ll post about that later.

waiting

So going to doctor appointments has become a virtual second job. Tomorrow is a federal holiday, and I’m spending it doctor hopping. I’ve got an appointment with a plastic surgeon and my radiologist tomorrow. God knows there’s nothing I’d rather be doing than going to the doctor on my day off. Tuesday I go to another plastic surgeon. I’m kind of interviewing them to see what they tell me and get a quick second opinion. One was recommended by my primary surgeon, the other is a well regarded plastic surgeon at Georgetown. I suspect I’d be in good hands with either, but I want to feel as comfortable with them as possible. If I’m for some reason not 100% comfortable with either of them I’ll go plastic surgeon shopping again.

I feel like tomorrow there will be a great deal of post appointment drinking.

What the doctors say in the next few days is going to set the course for 2007. I have months and months of treatment ahead and frankly it could really carry itself into 2008. But it’s the waiting that drives me crazy. Waiting for information, waiting for biopsy results, waiting for pathology reports, waiting for doctor’s appointments, waiting to go into surgery. And today is no different than any other day since the diagnosis.

Now where’s that bottle of wine…

rebound

so it’s been a long time. the longest blogging hiatus i think i’ve had since 2003. as you may or probably already know, there have been many changes which have taken place over the last few months: pete and i split up in october, i moved to a different spot in dc, and in september i was diagnosed with breast cancer, which is, i think a little lesson in learning not to speak too soon. yes, suffice it to say that 2006 kinda sucked.

but i’m here. and i’ll go out on a limb and say that’s a good thing. not blogging has made me feel a bit unconnected, so i thought it would be a good idea to start up again and capture some of this transition here. i’m not sure if the blog will stay here – i may be moving it over to a different server space in the near future, but this was the fastest, and best blogging choice for me to make at the moment.

believe it or not, things are not all bad, although 2007 isn’t quite going the way that i hoped it would. whew! the first post back, not unlike the first paragraph of an essay or a paper or any writing project, is always the most difficult.